What to Expect

The season is roughly 1/5 of the way over now, so here are some things we can expect if the Phillies continue at their current pace (remember, these are only rough estimates):

- 2 players on the Phillies will hit 50 home runs this season. And neither one will be Ryan Howard
- 5 different Phillies will end the season with at least 100 RBIs
- Chan Ho Park will hit 5 home runs
- Jamie Moyer will walk 25 times in just 70 plate appearances and finish with an on-base percentage of .438
- The Phillies pitchers will give up 280 home runs, shattering the major league record of 241 by the 1996 Detroit Tigers
- Jamie Moyer will give up 55 home runs this season and Brett Myers 50. The current NL record for a season is 48, and the major league record is 50
- The Phillies will fail to win a single home series
- Brad Lidge will finish with just 25 saves in 30 opportunities
- Jack Taschner will walk 20 more batters than he strikes out
- Ryan Howard will not commit a single error after leading all first basemen in errors last season with 19
- We will face the Marlins' bullpen for a total of 62 innings and score 114 runs in those innings. Without hitting a single home run
- The Phillies will commit just 50 errors this season as a team. The current record for fewest errors in a season by a team is 65
- Chase Utley will get hit by 30 pitches this season
- We will have 15 games postponed
- Jayson Werth will steal 35 bases with 5 of them being home
- Pedro Feliz will have as many hits as Chase Utley
- Ryan Howard will hit 10 grand slams
- Jimmy Rollins will be successful stealing bases 50% of the time. Last season he was successful 94% of the time
- Jimmy Rollins will finish with 45 extra base hits, just over half of what he had in his MVP season
- Shane Victorino will put together 5 different 16-game hit streaks, yet finish with a batting average of just .252
- Greg Dobbs will finish with just 20 total hits this season. Last season, he had 22 pinch hits
- Raul Ibanez will have career highs in runs (130), hits (205), doubles (45), home runs (50), RBIs (130), and stolen bases (15). He will also achieve his highest batting average, on-base percentage, and slugging percentage
- Clay Condrey and Jamie Moyer will tie for the team lead in wins. One of them is a reliever, and the other is 46 years old and has an 8.15 ERA
- Cole Hamels will suffer 10 freak injuries causing him to leave a game early
- Adam Eaton will wave his arms like a fool 5 different times in Citizens Bank Park, each time getting the crap booed out of him

And finally...

- The Mets will finish 10 games ahead of us and make the playoffs, proving that these projections carry absolutely no weight